3 Months After Dad Died + I still Lose It

  • Published: 12 February 2020
  • I’ll be doing the most mundane things and suddenly I think of him and miss him. In this video we go about our farm chores, but I explain WHY it still hurts (and will always hurt).

Comments • 835

  • Hank Uzzell
    Hank Uzzell  4 days back

    i stopped the video and went and told my son I was proud of him. He was sleepy and said thanks...

    • Traci Scheelk
      Traci Scheelk  3 days back

      That's sweet, Hank. He will remember. It becomes part of him. This was very touching to hear and made my day. I love to see happy families. Next to Yahweh, family is loyalty to one's own race too. Anglo Saxons are Blood Israel. Love the brethren (denotes race of Israel). Our nations and people have been destroyed for falling away from this. www.Christogenea.org

    • Neola Peterson
      Neola Peterson  4 days back

      Bless your heart. You are teaching your children what is most important. I am a 75 year old mom, Gramma, great Gramma and great great Gramma. I am so proud of you and your wife. You are really good parents.
      Love you all

  • rae1957tn
    rae1957tn  7 hours back

    You had your dad a long time. My dad died when I was 11, I’m 69 now .

    • Teri Stalf
      Teri Stalf  10 hours back

      ? how many kids I tried counting but they kept moving LOL

      • michaelsaintjude
        michaelsaintjude  14 hours back

        I hope in 5 more years i'll be living the dream like Justin and family. My four children are all out on there own now, my youngest being 27, but if they were young I would do whatever it takes to get them out of city life and into nature & homeschool in A HEARTBEAT.........
        Here's to living the dream HIP HIP HOORAY!!

        • Mysticswalk
          Mysticswalk  15 hours back

          It's normal to grieve. Let yourself feel what it needs to feel. It's all good. He is with you all the time.

          • Marcella Cruser
            Marcella Cruser  16 hours back

            Thank you. I needed this message today.

            • PlainJane48
              PlainJane48  17 hours back

              It gets easier, but remembering your father honors him, and your tears show your love for him. All good.

              • Steve Freedom
                Steve Freedom  18 hours back

                Justin this is a true story. When I was 16 in High School, my dad was murdered, two weeks before we had a fight. I'm 53 now. My last words to him was, "I hate your guts and hope you drop dead!" and his last words to me was "Your going to regret that for the rest of your life and I will never forgive you!" You can imagine the guilt. I fell into a world of violence and drugs. My life was spinning out of control and I was loosing myself and wanting to die in the worst way. I hit rock bottom and dropped to my knees asking why lord why take my dad when me and my brother, he never recovered, were in a total disarray.

                That night I went to sleep and my dad came to me in a dream. He showed me this mansion he was building in heaven and I asked him dad why didn't you fight to stay. My brother needs you so much. He replied yes, you brother here needed me more. I flipped out and said I only have one brother and he told me no. I freaked and woke up. The next day I told my brother and he laughed at me. When I told my mom, she broke down and started crying. Apparently, we have and older brother who died two hours after birth and nobody ever spoke of it because my mom had a mental breakdown after it happened. He visited me other times. I worked myself into college and had a 25 year career in the Medical IT field before becoming disabled. The night before I went to my first job in a suit, he came to me in a dream and taught me how to tie a tie. So you see they watch and they know. Your dad is proud of you. Talk to him in your dreams. They watch.

                • shallnotbeinfringed AmericanslivesMatter

                  The pain only lessens when the memories fade.

                  • 5 TIPS FOR TEENS
                    5 TIPS FOR TEENS  22 hours back

                    What breed cows do you have

                    • J P
                      J P  1 days back

                      I lost my dad about 10 years ago at 20 and with him a lot of dreams. We took in an OTTB during the horse market crash around 2005ish that was severely neglected (rain rot so bad his back was a hairless, pus-filled sore, overgrown feet with one embedded shoe, etc) and emaciated and though I owned horses this horse really got under our skin. We started making plans so that we could bring more horses in and provide various services when he died suddenly. And due to some nasty circumstances, it left me with nothing. After he was gone it was loss after loss after loss, and it's something that never gets easier. But you see the effect your loved one left on everyone around you and see how they are still influencing and living through you. There's a lot of peace in that. What you're feeling is normal and I hope you know that. My dad was my emotional support system, my only real parent at the time, but the bits of wisdom he left me with have helped shape me into a far better person than I thought I'd be w/o him.
                      You are SO right about the "proud of you" thing. It actually teared me up because that is one thing, o matter how badly I was doing, my dad constantly told me how massively proud of me he was. It's one of the things that has kept me moving forward.

                      Also, seeing that grass come in, as a horse person and equine nutritionist, is soooo nice. Chef's kiss business right there.

                      • 2AZSUN
                        2AZSUN  1 days back

                        Oh my word Justin. Bless your heart. And this is exactly what grief looks like. It sneaks up on us when we least expect and grabs us. And at three months, it sneaks up a lot and grabs hold pretty good. But it won't always be this way. If you focus on all the life that your father was able to live and all the lessons he was able to teach, you will be able to have him with you again. Death is not really that powerful. True, it does end a life, but it can never ever end a relationship. It changes relationship, but it can never end it. It also seems you were given something from him that you will never lose, no matter what happens in this life. You know you mattered to him. That's all any of us really want to know... did you see me, did you hear me, am I important to you? Or, put even simpler, his eyes lit up when you entered the room. When a child is able to experience that from a parent, the results are immeasurable. You framed it as him being proud of you, but it seems to me it was bigger than that. It also seems like you've been able to take what he taught you, and pass it to your children. It's very clear they see your eyes light up when they enter the room as well. If you do nothing else as a parent, that will be enough, because they will know that they matter. When a child knows they matter, they're able to do amazing things because of the power that gives them. So as you move through your grief, give yourself time. Be kind to yourself, and know that it will not always be this way. His death will never be something that you "get over," but it is something that you will get through, in time. In the meantime, know that your grief will strike at the strangest of times, and when you least expect it. It will get better. It will be less powerful, but it will never fully go away. If it does, it means his life wasn't that meaningful to you, and clearly we can all see that just isn't your truth.

                        • Aljay smith
                          Aljay smith  1 days back

                          Hey Justin I miss my dad so much...I was not raise by him much, but he was a hard working man, as I was told. It make me happy too see you as a father to your kid. Love your ur channel..

                          • Jed Burlingham
                            Jed Burlingham  1 days back

                            Justin & Family: Always use the good memories to get you through. When I hear measure twice, cut once, I always think of my Father. He passed in 1991, where I was 37, my brother was 35, and my sister was 29. Mom passed in 1995. Tell stories to your children of your Dad and Mom, especially the life lessons. They need to know what your Dad and Mom were like, things they taught you, what they would have said in certain situations. It will get better...

                            • acgillespie
                              acgillespie  1 days back

                              *OMG.. This dude is moving around and doing things and can't seem to just kick back to relax. It's the 21st century. Who works living life anymore? this is so old school*

                              • Chaney's Ranch
                                Chaney's Ranch  1 days back

                                I lost my Mom over 2 years ago. Dads 86 and I relish every moment I have left with him.

                                • chris halios
                                  chris halios  1 days back

                                  YOU ARE ONE GOOD GOOD HUMAN BEING

                                  • John R
                                    John R  1 days back

                                    Six months for me. This was a tough one to watch for me, but thank you.

                                    • Milkweed Dreams
                                      Milkweed Dreams  1 days back

                                      Lost my 'pops' 3 years ago...wish he could see me now building my food forest in Florida when he wanted me to retire, guess I took after him...

                                      • Edie Koller
                                        Edie Koller  2 days back

                                        Justin I don't even know you and I miss seeing your Dad here too. That's why I am not on line that much. My parents died withing 7 months of each other (May 2003 AND January 2004 and I still miss them so much and cry each day. But you do have a family that cares about you and loves you. I don't have any family except for a parakeet and a cockatiel and I am going on 74 yrs old now. I am glad your doing so well. Sending rays of sunshine your way from here in Los Angeles.

                                        • Berthanada Lauber
                                          Berthanada Lauber  2 days back

                                          I am a new subscriber and I'm feeling you as you talk of your granny and dad. I too was blessed with a great man whom has since passed. Much Love to you and your family. Many Blessings and God Bless! A father proud of his children is an amazing moment which can be repeated over and over. I love your family !

                                          • H.I.S. Happy Inches little home Stead

                                            Prayers my friend! 🥰 I couldn't imagine losing my Daddy 💔

                                            • marilyn mckinney
                                              marilyn mckinney  2 days back

                                              exactly you miss their opinion !! and their reaction to things,I miss my Mom warming my hands when I come in from the cold !! and I miss my Dad's humor !! Just things that came to mind but there was so much more !! I miss.. My baby sister said she could not see our mother's face anymore !! I don't think I have been able to either but I see her soul !!

                                              • Donald K. MacBaird
                                                Donald K. MacBaird  2 days back

                                                My father passed in August of 93 just 2 months before his 63 B day and i still hurt when certain memories return to my mind and I am 67 .

                                                • James Witkowski
                                                  James Witkowski  2 days back

                                                  I feel for you and love the true and raw nature of your vlogs....thank you from Texas 🙏👍

                                                  • GearMaven
                                                    GearMaven  2 days back

                                                    My loving, laughing Dad passed away 2-1/2 years ago after my caring for him 9 years. I remember him mostly with a smile because he brought such laughter to us all! My loving auntie is lost to Alzheimer's and 6000 miles away, and I grieve for her as my surrogate Mom who also supported me emotionally all my life!! Miss them both so much!

                                                    • 1Coke ToGo
                                                      1Coke ToGo  2 days back

                                                      My dad has been dead about 40 years. I'm older than he was when he died and I remember him as what I consider a young man. I wish he could of stayed around so we could have shared all the things in our lives. I miss him.

                                                      • Whispers In the Wind
                                                        Whispers In the Wind  2 days back

                                                        It was my oldest brother who was my go to person, and I miss him dearly. He was the one who gave me the proverbial pats on the back. When he passed it was difficult but i know he is watching over me from above. Blessings my friend

                                                        • Whispers In the Wind
                                                          Whispers In the Wind  2 days back

                                                          what you said at 11:06 was the most profound thing anyone has ever said and i so agree with you so very very much. I have tried my whole life raising kids to let them know that I am so proud of every little thing they do. love it

                                                          • Azalea Acres
                                                            Azalea Acres  2 days back

                                                            ♥️🙏🏼 I lost my dad 20 yrs ago this May. On our sons 10th birthday. It doesn’t get any easier.

                                                            • Hb. Hoffman
                                                              Hb. Hoffman  2 days back

                                                              I lost my dad in 1977 after a long battle with cancer. I had just turned 13. You don't really "get over it" but you do learn to get through it. Even today I catch myself missing him or realizing it would have been his birthday or his death or how it has affected my mom. I long for a grandfather for my kids, someone else to turn to, or to see life through his eyes. But it has made me try harder to fill those gaps in my children. Give yourself permission to do all the missing or longing or even saying to yourself "My dad would have been proud of me!" If you have a recording of that, put it onto something that you can play and hear it! BTW, I asked my husband to tell our one daughter with special needs that he was proud of what she did today!

                                                              • Roni M
                                                                Roni M  2 days back

                                                                This was such a hard video to watch. I lost my Dad in a motorcycle accident; next month will be 4 years (happened on Easter). At three months, I was barely able to get out of bed - I celebrate you for being able to continue on. Your video had me in full melt-down mode. There was so much about him that I took for granted and would give anything to be able to redo the past several years.

                                                                • Cindy Loves Jewelry
                                                                  Cindy Loves Jewelry  2 days back

                                                                  My daddy has been gone for a year and half and I still lose it. We all handle our grief differently.

                                                                  • evelyn9011
                                                                    evelyn9011  2 days back

                                                                    Beautiful video....made me cry.......ugly cry..... Thank you

                                                                    • Brent Carrington
                                                                      Brent Carrington  2 days back

                                                                      On my birthday I display cards my dad sent me before he died. Don't usually save cards but did with a few. Im so glad I did. Its good to see his writing and read his kind words every year. My sister won't erase the last voicemail he sent her.

                                                                      • Milton Tucker
                                                                        Milton Tucker  2 days back

                                                                        14:09 "Happiness is impossible unless you can share it with others" This cut me like a knife. I lost my second wife 14 months ago (my first wife died 8 years ago) and I lost my mother a year ago today. Happiness has been an elusive thing for me.

                                                                        • TJ Ellis
                                                                          TJ Ellis  2 days back

                                                                          is this video made with onions...?...Im allergic to onions.

                                                                          • Grampy Campy’s Bearcreek Homestead

                                                                            Justin I know somewhat but in a different way, I lost my wife in December 2019 and I still lose it, even though she went to be with the LORD yes we are both believers, I miss her something aweful! I try to see her in everything I do and when I am with our kids and grandkids, but sometimes my heart still breaks , my mom and dad are married and still together almost 60 years they live across the road! Justin allow yourself to feel it that is your dad trying to tell you he is still with you in your heart! I hurt and cry like crazy and look at her chair, or her side of the bed and she ain’t there, you will always hurt sometimes but you will see him every time you reach into your heart and bring him out, whenever you want too! I know pain too but it reminds me of just how much I still love here, we were married 35 years and I have known her since I was 7 years old! She is with Jesus she is with the best, what do I have to worry about, I have no right to ask her to give up what she has now, for this earth and me! I truly wish you the best Justin, you will always have tour dad in your heart until you meet again!!! 💕❤️✝️✝️✝️✝️✝️✝️✝️🦌👨🏼‍🌾🦃💒🙏

                                                                            • Loishair Sunshine
                                                                              Loishair Sunshine  2 days back

                                                                              Dang it, you made me cry! I’m proud of you and your precious wife. Keep up the good work!!!

                                                                              • Robert Olson
                                                                                Robert Olson  2 days back

                                                                                My Dad was in the ground two weeks before I was informed. I have never been the same I grieve everyday several times a day. Sir.I feel for your grief.God Bless you I hope it gets better for you than me. Peace.

                                                                                • dale younts
                                                                                  dale younts  2 days back

                                                                                  Your grief is a testimony to your love. Don't ever apologize. My dad has been gone more than 50 yrs and I still miss him.

                                                                                  • Alex Zylstra
                                                                                    Alex Zylstra  2 days back

                                                                                    So sorry you lost your Dad, I lost my Father when I was 3 years old, That was 60 years ago, All I remember about him is his blue eyes and his warm hugs.

                                                                                    • West Mountain Organic
                                                                                      West Mountain Organic  3 days back

                                                                                      Justin, I just lost my dad as well. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know the pain and grief you are feeling, it can be overwhelming at times. Hang in there, I believe he's still with you, even if not physically.

                                                                                      • Annette Herbst
                                                                                        Annette Herbst  3 days back

                                                                                        I lost my Dad about 5 yrs ago to pancreatic cancer. It was so sudden and so quick we barely had time to get our heads around the idea of cancer. I miss him every single day and “talk” to him often. Even after 5 yrs. a memory will hit me and the tears fall. Praying that you begin to find some type of comfort or new normal. You and your wife constantly give your kids positive reinforcement and I know that gives them the sense to be good people

                                                                                        • Lue Keyboard Warrior 911 News

                                                                                          Because of your dad, you are bringing back the farm life for a lot of people that mist out on it , farm life is a good life. it's missing in a lot of peoples lives in the USA . its nice to see how we should to live. your blessed and giving some back.

                                                                                          • Listen Well
                                                                                            Listen Well  3 days back

                                                                                            Great 👍

                                                                                            • Susan Susan
                                                                                              Susan Susan  3 days back

                                                                                              I love you Rhodes family! Justin, thank you for allowing yourself to be so vulnerable with us. You will find healing and you offer healing to others. Bless you all.

                                                                                              • Tim O
                                                                                                Tim O  3 days back

                                                                                                Lol.. How did your channel get advertised on mine?